Holy crap, this guy is annoying me again. I mean Jesus Christ, what does he want now?
He always bugs me, hits my head and walks right behind me. It seems no matter where I go, he is there waiting.
Then, when I need him, he can't be found. He disappears for what appears to be hours on end, only to take his pants off and then call for me.
What am I? A servant? I don't fetch things like beer. I don't fold clothes.
Fuck man, I'm cat.
I keep the creases in the clothes nice by laying on...
He sighed. It was an all-too-frequent result. Women never noticed him (here he paused to chastise himself for thinking that without providing any statistical evidence, and to suggest to himself that perhaps he had an availability bias), and he was lonely.
Why shouldn't he be able to give and receive love, like every other member of the human race (here, he noted that it was unethical to assume that any individual deserves the respect or love of another without earning it, and that he should avoid thinking of a romantic partner as an object that one acquires)?
It just wasn't...
She glanced demurely across the two-foot circle of a table at him. What a catch. His work shirt was only slightly ill-fitting, his hair feigned casualness. He couldn't stop looking at her. It may have been the needless extra half-inch of cleavage she had allowed.
There really wasn't any need to try. His work-weary eyes and somewhat hunched shoulders showed that he could use some fun. His seemingly lackadaisical approach, charming smile and the comfortable way he asked her out meant that he'd taken girls here before. The Portland City Grill, 30 floors up in the highest building in Portland....
"I am getting so tired of this jerk being thought of as the best reporter in town" Dan muttered to himself, "but I'll show everyone that I believe in the news somehow". Dan looked across from the news room to see everyone praising bob, the jerk, then suddenly the ground started to shake and throw everyone to the ground. "An earthquake" bob thought, "this is finally my chance to unseat that snob". As dan grabs and runs outside,
The night had finally come, the date that I have been waiting for all week! My boyfrend was planning to take me out on a speical day, tho he wasen't telling me where we were going. I was so excited, that I had tears streaming down my face. He was almost here at my house to pick me up, I was rushing, I had to put on my makeup, get dressed, take a shower and I had to make sure that I looked good. OMG he is here!! He arrived in his mercedes benz, wow I am gobsmacked, off we...
She didn't look at him.
She never did. Never could.
If she met his eyes then she would dissolve into giggles, and the charade would be over. They'd both be cast out - or maybe just him - and that would be the end of everything.
He played his part so well, that was why it was funny. He would happily sit there and spout such rot, and these sychophantic ghouls would nod and revere him.
They didn't know he was just staff in her father's suit.
He was an orator, a charmer - he could spin a yarn, and...
The children were not at school. It was the first snow day of the season, and the buses couldn't get their engines started, so the Board of Education had no choice but to cancel classes. Tyler's parents decided to let him sleep in, but when he awoke at 10 o'clock, Tyler panicked. He leaped out of bed, grabbed his jeans and wiggled into them, pulled a crumpled sweater from his drawer and jammed it on over his pajama shirt, and ran down the hallway to the kitchen, all the while yelling "I'm late for school! I'm late for school! Mom!...
Until now, she'd never thought of herself as pretty. Even this morning, she hadn't really thought of it. A white dress, sure. A veil, sure. Kitten heels, yes. She had told Marjorie that she didn't want her make-up done.
"I've been doing all right for forty years," she said. Marjorie just looked at her and then looked away without saying anything.
Marjorie was pretty. Everyone thought so. It wasn't so much a matter of thinking, even. Empirically, she was attractive. But she wore a lot of make-up.
This morning Marjorie wasn't there. Wasn't there to watch her pull on stockings...
The water was clear. Wavy, but pleasant. The type of water you'd enjoy skipping rocks across. But this was not a time for horseplay. Nothing was in sight, nor had anything been in sight for the past 3 days. Floating, bobbing up and down in the middle of nowhere. How did this happen?
The water was foggy. You couldn't see all the way to the bottom, but you could see halfway through. The smell coming from the glass was very relaxing and a good start to a wonderful vacation away from it all. The clouds in the sky looked dark....
OHMYGOSH A BABY CHICK!
AHH!! IT'S A PICTURE OF PEOPLE SWIMMING ON AN IPHONE!
WHAT DID PEOPLE DO BEFORE THE INTERNET, CARLY!!
Nothing but a typical Monday night of avoiding sleep and showering, trying to be productive but failing miserably. I'm so hungry, but it's way too late to even think about eating. With ballet in the morning, it's probably best to just shower and get it over with and get in bed or I'll regret it for the next week.
HEY MICAH. WE SHOULD BORROW CJ's CAR AND GO TO TARGET ON WEDNESDAY.
OKAY, IF THIS GUY'S TELLING THE...