There is nothing good about Monday. I feel bad every time I think that, because then I realize, "Well, I could be dead, or in Cleveland, and then my Monday would be much worse." And then I feel bad for making fun of Cleveland in my head, because I actually liked it the one time I went there.
Even though I don't do much here, it's hard to escape the native smugness that comes with being from New York City. It is all going on here. The thing is, I don't want to do most of it. I'm pretty internal,...
Price of a roll of Kodachrome: $5
Cost of the Canon camera: $200
Wage per photo published in Life Magazine: $25
Price per bushel of corn: $2
Day's wages for detasselers: $0.25
She would never use a sippy cup for wine. She just wouldn't. And not because the other mothers would smell the fermentation on her breath. Not because her eyes would gloss over as the nannies began to talk about the hockey-playing "manny" who worked with the two boys at the Sullivans. Not because she would have to hold tightly to the padded grip of the jogging stroller. It wasn't because her Rosacea gave her cheek bones a cherry hue. It had nothing to do with her morning run to the playground, the mile and half she squeezed in everyday.
She...
The baker is making a pie.
Why, oh why,
Was I not invited?
You had a big party.
I wasn't invited.
I never am.
It's a dance, this time.
And I'm still not invited.
Why?
I guess it's better to say,
I'm uninvited.
More than enough.
The acid was insanely potent this time. I was in my Halloween costume, dressed as a soldier of all things. This was no time for games. Shea was waiting for me in the basement, or maybe she was being gangraped by a pack of orthodox jewish gangsters, and waiting for me just the same. DOWN I pressed. DOWN goddamnit this is taking forever. Sitting in this elevator for what seems like an eternity. 12th floor. Man with dog. Hello dog. Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something in my teeth. Oh, the skin is burned...
"I'm sorry", the two words that shattered her world. She let the dial tone ring out, as a hot tear ran down her cheek. A tingling sensation ran down her spine. Thoughts raced through her mind, while time passed so slowly. Everything was going so well, what could she have done wrong?
Her natural instinct was to run, but she couldn't move as the cool air threatened to choke her. Clambering over her bedframe and wrapping herself in her warm bedcovers, the ones where she'd spent hours talking to him on the phone. The moon shone through her window, reminding...
The sounds of the jungle echoed all around Jane as she swang from tree to tree, frantically listening for the slightest sound of another human hiding in the canapy.
Swinging on the expertly tied ropes her beloved had woven much before she was a dream in his heart. She must find Safura before it was too late.
Clutching the half full elixir closer to her heart, she leapt down into a clearing feeling a prescence close by. Stunned, Safura looked her straight in the eye, dropped the other half of the elixir she was carrying and slinked into the shadows....
The Loch Ness Monster was on vacation. As was the case with most celebrities, Nessie wanted her privacy. This wasn't a working vacation, it was for her own sanity, and she didn't intend to frighten anyone while relaxing in Lake Superior.
Then the stupid dog looked down. Stupid dogs, always looking down. Nessie was in the middle of her favorite book, "Flowers in the Attic" and she popped up very briefly just to see if it was raining or night, or if there were any passing UFOs she could snack on. Instead, there was a dog.
"Shoo, stupid dog!" she...
" Hey Lukas, we need to go somewhere before you can open anymore gifts" said Bob (Lukas' father), Lukas walks out the door and into the car while stepping on the cold and white snow, when they were in the car they had noticed a lot of pets being walked, some were dressed up with little gaskets and others that had nothing on. They arrived at the place, Lukas looks up and notices that it says " PET STORE", He jumps with excitement and runs inside the store. While inside he grabs a collar, leash, food and water bowl and...
The results were in: I won. I won first place in the contest. What contest? The contest to setermine who would recieve the grand prize of 1 milllion dollars. Shocked, flaberghasted! Amazed! crying! I couldn't belive it! I said to to Milred, the clerk at the counter, "Wait. Are you serious? I won? Are you sure? Could you check my ticket again, just to make sure?" Milred, a 65 year old grandmother who could barely see over the counter, said, "Mister. I've looked at it three times already. You must belive it. You have won. You are a wealthy man...